It is the eve of 2024.
I usually feel pretty excited about a new year and enjoy looking back on the year, making resolutions and wishes like most people.
Today I’m feeling rather neutral, with a mild sense of dread.
I know big changes are coming for 2024.
Change is scary.
I’ve been feeling pretty terrible most of this year. I kept saying throughout 2022 and early 2023 that “my life ends after my wedding” and it has actually been true. I lost a lot of momentum after our wedding and feel myself spiraling away from my dreams. This year I have struggled very much with a sense of purpose, a sense of fulfilment, a sense of direction.. A sense of good and bad, right and wrong. I keep thinking my life will end soon, I can’t imagine my future, it feels like I’m crawling through a long dark tunnel, I’m out of breath and lost. I feel like I’ve been waiting for a long time.
Is this the mid-life crisis people speak about?
Though it is truly difficult for me to look beyond all the unhappy bits, I don’t want to discount my entire year. So if I write down all the good things, I can trick myself and get excited for 2024.
I guess I’ll start with looking at the goals I wrote at the start of the year.
Boy I sure was happy as the clock ticked to 2023.
Welp, the first one’s an epic fail.
Ignoring that, it looks like I wanted a lot – wanted to do more things I liked, and overall get better at my hobbies. This is still true.
I wanted to write more, and though it appears I haven’t written much at all, I have been writing elsewhere and will publish that when the time is right.
In 2023, I got married!
I’ve only wanted to do that all my life!!!
In 2023, we bought a house! A house house. In Sydney!
Our first home!
In 2023, I had a slew of aerial skills on my skills-wishlist. I lost interest slightly this year but instead I picked up Ballet which I’m thoroughly enjoying. I want to continue ballet, I want to improve my turnout and continue working on my mobility (full body). I don’t want to get injured anymore from aerials or any sport I commonly do. Is it too much to wish for my shoulder and wrist to fully recover by the first quarter of 2024? They’re both 90-95% healed but still limiting me at times.
In 2023, I did 38 Parkruns (21 in 2022, first one being in June), ran City2Surf and the Sydney 10km – I hope I make it to the 100 milestone in 2024 (that’s a commitment of 41 Saturday mornings).
I’ve also signed up for a tennis lesson next week, I haven’t played since Covid started, so I’m pretty pumped for that!
In 2023, I dressed better and used much more of my wardrobe and bought less clothes. I might have been quite lazy with skincare this year, but I did put more effort in my hair.
In 2023, I did lots of crafting – making soap, melting glass art, scrapbooking, painting.. I’m gonna throw in cooking/baking here as well because, those are also a type of craft. I’ve learnt to bake new things like milk bread and most notably croissants! In 2024, I definitely want to up my baking game and commit watching all of the Great British Bake Off this time. I would also like to try new crafty things like resin art and glassblowing.
In 2023, I took the JLPT N4 exam in December, granted I’ve stopped studying ever since, but I resolve to pick up learning new Kanji again as I get back into the rhythm of work and life. I don’t know if I will take another exam again, studying as an adult is hard, studying a language is especially hard. I do count music as a language though and am thinking about learning a new instrument at some point (not necessarily next year).
I should make an effort to play more games in 2024 and beyond. There are so many great games, I’m embarrassed that I have yet to pick up Tears of The Kingdom, and I should really finish Dave the Diver!
I also want to read more. Reading more is basically a lifetime goal, so this is the last time I’m writing this down, it’s a given from now on okay? But I will specifically say that I want to finish reading the Quran in 2024. When I do read, it is only after prayers, when I am physically clean, my mind is focused and my heart at ease. Which means I also want to say more prayers next year (and this is also a from-now-til-forever goal).
I want to learn something new – software/technical skill wise – I’ve been thinking about learning to use Notion, but actually learning to use it beyond its basic note-taking / scheduling functionality. I’m not sure if this is the right thing for me because I don’t know if have anything to put into Notion, but I’ll give it a crack! Otherwise maybe throughout the year something might come up and I get a chance to learn something new. Let’s see where I got to this time next year.
Okay I actually do feel better now.
Tonight I’m going to spend NYE with The Blueprint friends. It’s the first time ushering the new year with this bunch, I think it’ll be pretty fun :>