Okay, today I came to work feeling rather upset and decided I’d be less social and do my own thing. I happily accepted proofreading duties from Lainey as my first mate was off today.
Unfortunately my peaceful day stopped short at about 12.30pm, I had the dreaded update with timtam. It’s plain to me this past week and a half that the company didn’t expect me to stay when they first hired me.
I don’t know what to make of the praise I receive, of course it feels good but it feels like it’s worth nothing. Timtam told me there are no positions available for my level and they’re looking for people with 3-4 years at least.
She gave the option of staying with the team or hopping to another team to learn something new.
I couldn’t think straight after that.
I left the office to the quiet spot overlooking the river and the harbour bridge where my first mate took me to last week when I was troubled about my mom. I sat there holding my head in my hands for 30minutes. It was happening again. The overwhelming feel of being a disappointment to the family. Oh how everyone would agree with their past themselves that I should never have left home on my own, that I can’t manage, that I need to be spoon fed.
I sent a hefty text to my first mate ranting about my situation and how unfair life is and etc. you know the drill, typical Gen Y can’t adapt when things don’t go her way.
On my way back to the office I ran into the very very sweet Cherry. I didn’t really know what to say to her, she could probably see my crestfallen face behind my smile. She talked to me about my time here and what she knows about the company. She shared some insights about herself and her decisions for her future which helped me make a decision on what I would do.
I will have to think about it still, even though my mind is 90% made up after talking to Cherry, god bless her sweet soul honestly, and I will inform timtam later this week.
I was busy in the afternoon with several tasks and suddenly realized my first mate had responded to my earlier rant, and even though I was feeling much better his simple “Do not despair young captain we will have a hearty chat over a hot chocolate tomorrow!” just made me leak a few tears at my desk.