Eve 2024

It is the eve of 2024.

I usually feel pretty excited about a new year and enjoy looking back on the year, making resolutions and wishes like most people.

Today I’m feeling rather neutral, with a mild sense of dread.

I know big changes are coming for 2024.

Change is scary.

I’ve been feeling pretty terrible most of this year. I kept saying throughout 2022 and early 2023 that “my life ends after my wedding” and it has actually been true. I lost a lot of momentum after our wedding and feel myself spiraling away from my dreams. This year I have struggled very much with a sense of purpose, a sense of fulfilment, a sense of direction.. A sense of good and bad, right and wrong. I keep thinking my life will end soon, I can’t imagine my future, it feels like I’m crawling through a long dark tunnel, I’m out of breath and lost. I feel like I’ve been waiting for a long time.

Is this the mid-life crisis people speak about?

Though it is truly difficult for me to look beyond all the unhappy bits, I don’t want to discount my entire year. So if I write down all the good things, I can trick myself and get excited for 2024.

I guess I’ll start with looking at the goals I wrote at the start of the year.
Boy I sure was happy as the clock ticked to 2023.

Welp, the first one’s an epic fail.

Ignoring that, it looks like I wanted a lot – wanted to do more things I liked, and overall get better at my hobbies. This is still true.

I wanted to write more, and though it appears I haven’t written much at all, I have been writing elsewhere and will publish that when the time is right.

In 2023, I got married!
I’ve only wanted to do that all my life!!!

In 2023, we bought a house! A house house. In Sydney!
Our first home!

In 2023, I had a slew of aerial skills on my skills-wishlist. I lost interest slightly this year but instead I picked up Ballet which I’m thoroughly enjoying. I want to continue ballet, I want to improve my turnout and continue working on my mobility (full body). I don’t want to get injured anymore from aerials or any sport I commonly do. Is it too much to wish for my shoulder and wrist to fully recover by the first quarter of 2024? They’re both 90-95% healed but still limiting me at times.

In 2023, I did 38 Parkruns (21 in 2022, first one being in June), ran City2Surf and the Sydney 10km – I hope I make it to the 100 milestone in 2024 (that’s a commitment of 41 Saturday mornings).

I’ve also signed up for a tennis lesson next week, I haven’t played since Covid started, so I’m pretty pumped for that!

In 2023, I dressed better and used much more of my wardrobe and bought less clothes. I might have been quite lazy with skincare this year, but I did put more effort in my hair.

In 2023, I did lots of crafting – making soap, melting glass art, scrapbooking, painting.. I’m gonna throw in cooking/baking here as well because, those are also a type of craft. I’ve learnt to bake new things like milk bread and most notably croissants! In 2024, I definitely want to up my baking game and commit watching all of the Great British Bake Off this time. I would also like to try new crafty things like resin art and glassblowing.

In 2023, I took the JLPT N4 exam in December, granted I’ve stopped studying ever since, but I resolve to pick up learning new Kanji again as I get back into the rhythm of work and life. I don’t know if I will take another exam again, studying as an adult is hard, studying a language is especially hard. I do count music as a language though and am thinking about learning a new instrument at some point (not necessarily next year).

I should make an effort to play more games in 2024 and beyond. There are so many great games, I’m embarrassed that I have yet to pick up Tears of The Kingdom, and I should really finish Dave the Diver!

I also want to read more. Reading more is basically a lifetime goal, so this is the last time I’m writing this down, it’s a given from now on okay? But I will specifically say that I want to finish reading the Quran in 2024. When I do read, it is only after prayers, when I am physically clean, my mind is focused and my heart at ease. Which means I also want to say more prayers next year (and this is also a from-now-til-forever goal).

I want to learn something new – software/technical skill wise – I’ve been thinking about learning to use Notion, but actually learning to use it beyond its basic note-taking / scheduling functionality. I’m not sure if this is the right thing for me because I don’t know if have anything to put into Notion, but I’ll give it a crack! Otherwise maybe throughout the year something might come up and I get a chance to learn something new. Let’s see where I got to this time next year.

Okay I actually do feel better now.

Tonight I’m going to spend NYE with The Blueprint friends. It’s the first time ushering the new year with this bunch, I think it’ll be pretty fun :>

2023, January 1st

This morning, I watched the Sydney NYE fireworks live and up close for the first time (in my memory! I’m probably losing it. I’m 30 after all hah).

It was spectacular! I was with the lovely M/WPA gang and we were the rowdiest but cutest bunch at the Bradfield Park foreshore.

It was 12 minutes of pure joy and wonder as the skies lit up, then some strangers gave us sparklers as we chanted our 2023 goals. I no longer write down new year resolutions or new year goals because I feel goals should be ongoing. I don’t think anyone should suddenly create a goal for the sake of it or force yourself to achieving something that may take longer than a year or might not fit your circumstances at that time.

I have many many goals, some very specific and some not.

I want to get a promotion!
I want to buy my first home!
I want to get a front oversplit and my middle splits!
I want to do a side aerial!
I want to do walkovers and elbow rolls!
I want to do big drops!
I want to take the JLPT!
I want to snowboard confidently!

I want to master more aerial tricks, do more acro, write more, read more, cook more, learn more of everything!

I want to watch more tv and learn more languages. I want to dress better and use more of my wardrobe. I want to be less wasteful. I want to save money. I want to be less stressed when travelling. I want to be more spontaneous. I want to see my family and be close to them.

I want to be kind.
I want to be optimistic.

All these goals have been going on every year and every year I just want to be better.