Sweet Potato

Sunday, 12pm – still in bed – just watched a couple episodes of anime

Me: OK let’s go buy meat for lunch
Marty: but first do you love me?
Me: *sinks into blanket* I am a potato. Potatoes like each other. Are you a potato?
Marty: I am a sweet potato.

The saddest day

Today is a sad day. There have been many in 2018, just 2 months in, but today is definitely the saddest of all.

It feels like I was punched in the face.
It feels like I was called out and humiliated in front of everyone.
It feels like after 25years of growing/learning/working I was told I’ve wasted my time.
It feels like someone told me I had a disability and I can’t be like others.

Today I got rejected from a job I so desperately wanted for so many reasons. I won’t name them nor will I say why I this one was so important, but to put in context I have already faced lots of rejection in my life and this was more painful than the rest –

  • I remember applying every day to several places after uni for any unpaid/intern role in my field and it took 6months.
  • I remember trying to get any part time retail job in Australia during 4 years of uni (I already had retail experience from Singapore) and didn’t get any for 4 years.
  • I remember applying for a different role within my company for almost a year and not getting it.

I’ve been through a hell lot of rejection.

Yet it never gets easier.

The goddess said “You are holding a bright lamp, yet you are seeking fire.”

Life – ON HOLD

I’ve been living in agony for almost a month now, but writing always makes things better.

How often do you get such moments in your life where you’re constantly anxious, distracted and sometimes de-motivated to do anything until this one thing is over?

Last week I was completely useless.

I was incredibly moody. I couldn’t focus on anything. I struggled to get up each day. But this week I’ve recovered and have much more energy, hah, energised while in agony. :/

Some instances (varying degrees) where life had been “on hold”

  • When you get a phone call from a hospital (overseas) saying your immediate family member was found and brought in unconscious by a stranger. When they came to, they insisted not recognising the location they were found at, the doctors requested a whole bunch of tests and you’re stuck on another side of the world waiting for the results. What happened? What caused it? Is there any permanent damage? How much will it cost?


  • When you are waiting for the outcome of your VISA application to determine whether you’re kicked out of a country you much prefer to live and work in and need to move back home or you’re all g.


  • When you have an important package arriving from overseas that needs to arrive by X date and you have no tracking information


  • When you find your dream home after months of searching and are waiting to hear the outcome of your application


  • When you’re a film production major and your university offers you a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to visit and work at Warner Brothers in Hollywood over Summer break and you are 1 of 2000 applicants for 5 spots.


Please let this be over soon.

AO 2018

It’s February.

January seemed slow, except for the action-packed days spent in Melbourne!

The 4 days went something like this:

  • Wake up between 9-10am
  • Consult list of good coffee places, debate which is better, go to Market Lane coffee anyway at 10:30am

  • Walk down Kia Drive to Melbourne Park
  • Sit in Rod Laver Arena from 11am – 12am, glued to the court
  • Rave about how good the tennis was and make promises to myself to train up as soon as I get back to Sydney. Mull over how life as a tennis pro would be if I had picked up tennis at age 3 + my parents had supported it.
  • Go to sleep around 1am feeling sad, confused but also motivated.
  • Repeat

AO Day 3 – 17 Jan 2018

We arrived in the middle of a women’s match, K. Siniakova vs. E.Svitolina. I was so excited to see female pros live in front of me. I hadn’t really seen how pro females play and while I had watched Marty play at his competitions the players were usually male, and everyone knows Mens tennis is a completely different game.

It was there and then I found BEST GIRL, Elina Svitolina became my instant favourite.

She destroyed her opponent and we watched the next match, J.Fett vs C.Wozniacki.

This was probably the most impressive match I watched while at the Australian Open.

Wozniacki (was ranked no.2 at the time, now no.1!) was down match point 5-1, 40-15 in the 3rd set and miraculously fought her way back to win 7-5. HOLY MOLY. I can’t imagine how nervous Fett was, it would have been a major major upset for rank 119 to upset rank 2, imagine how high she would have propelled!

The 3rd afternoon match was our first look at tennis royalty, world no. 1 Rrrrafael Nadal. (I can’t purr to save my life)

He breezed through the match, but I got to see the sheer difference in womens and mens tennis, and also the two different play styles within a mens game – The super fast ace down the centre line vs the slower spinny game that Nadal is so famous for.

Day 1 was incredible, but it didn’t stop there. I then found BEST BOY, the one I never thought I would pay attention to. The schedule said G.Dimitrov vs M.McDonald, so naturally I was like Oh! Another top player’s coming on, rank no. 3! I’m so lucky!

I was blown away, completely blown away, by young Mackenzie McDonald aka MacMac!

He put up an incredible fight against Dimitrov and took it to 5 sets, evening delivering a bagel in the 4th set, 6-0 and was finally put away in a tiebreaker after 3 hours and 25 minutes of play.

So here, in Rod Laver Arena, on 17th of January 2018, I found my 2 tennis favourites – Elina Svitolina and Mackenzie McDonald.

Day 1 ended with meeting Katie, Michael and their buddy for dinner :3

AO Day 4 – 18 Jan 2018

Prior to attending the AO, I had only thought about seeing Sharapova, I hadn’t thought any player would interest me as much as her. I just so damn excited to hear her grunts IRL.

And so I did.

It was honestly quite a lot louder than the other grunts, I really wonder how much more power it gives her.

The womens’ match after that starred the oldest female player S.Hsieh who was quite interesting to watch. She had a two-handed forehand and backhand and was former no.1 in doubles. Her net plays were much more about the angled shots rather than smashes which was refreshing but sometimes AGGHHH JUST SMASH IT GIRL.

Then came the controversial N.Djokovic vs G.Monfils match where the temperature hit a top of 39 degrees with the court temperature edging towards an unthinkable 70 degrees.

I was sitting in the shade, just sitting, but I was sweating profusely.

It was agonizing watched Monfils play. It felt inhumane.

I would really like to watch him play again, in more bearable conditions 🙂

That night ended with watching the GOAT!

Needless to say, he was very aggressive in his hits but very classy as soon as the match was over.

AO Day 5 – 19 Jan 2018

On the 3rd day, I got to see Best Girl E.Svitolina again! 😀 This time she was against a fellow Ukrainian, 15 year old M.Kostyuk. The young player had a very enthusiastic cheer squad in her box but sadly while brimming with talent, she was far too unpolished. We watched a “59minute tennis lesson” (Kostyuk said so herself).

Day 3’s night match was the liveliest match of the night matches I went to with Aussie’s bad boy Nick Kyrgios against his idol J.Tsonga! Also Will Smith was in the audience XD.

This match was a whirlwind of emotions, I had no clue who to root for and while the entire stadium seemed to chant for Kyrgios there was one very vocal lady behind us spurring Tsonga on the entire match.

I think I would have preferred if Tsonga took this one but alas maybe it was the home ground advantage that threw him off. There was brief instance where a member of the audience had yelled an insult at Tsonga, in French too, which agitated him to the point of him retaliating with “Come down here and fight me!”, earning him a warning of unsportsmanlike conduct. Whoops.

C’mon people, have some respect for the game.

On our last day, AO Day 6 – 20 Jan 2018, we saw Sharapova and Federer again, although by then my excitement had died down and I was thinking about returning to Sydney the next day.

Goodbye AO 2018, it was a real good trip, see you in 2019!







The 2018 apocalypse?

OK Sydney’s weather officially has me freaked out.

From the hottest day in 80 years over the weekend to sudden storms, I actually am fearing that the world is ending.

The new train timetable has already disrupted the entire of Sydney’s commute but now with all the water damage and track flooding, who knows how long it’ll take to get anywhere. I live 1 stop away from Central and I couldn’t get a train ride home, I had to resort to … the bus. ._.

I have this feeling that there will be heavy structural damage from the constant temperate change but also a new disease will manifest and claim the lives of many.

The weather around the globe seems to be exceptionally bad. America is freezing over, even the Sahara desert is covered in snow, a dormant volcano in Papa New Guinea has erupted..

God save us all.

Boxing Day

I forgot how crowded it could get in the city.

I thought I’d go out for some fresh air since I’ve been home for 2 whole days.

I mean there are sales everywhere but I didn’t think they were that huge and unmissable/lifechanging.

In all honesty, while in the city I was just watching the cars and roads lots because there were sooo many people and with the recent incidents of mad men mowing people down in the city. Today really was the prime time for it.

I’m so morbid.

Anyhoo, it was nice getting out 🙂

Bf goes to tennis for 2hours, comes back,

“I want a dog”

On the last Friday after work of 2017

*Edit: Later, during the night of Christmas Eve, I watched an episode of The Ancient Magus’s bride and the protagonist Chise was confiding in Lindel how she has struggled to say certain things and ask certain things of Elias.

Lindel says

“Some words ripen with age, some lose their colour”


Words are really powerful.

It’s both a blessing and curse I think.

Sometimes people say words to hurt you but you know they’re mad, its the heat of the moment so you let it go.

Sometimes people say words to hurt you and you know its intentional.

Sometimes people say words to hurt you but you don’t understand that it was meant that way so you shrug it off.

Sometimes you hear words that were not meant for you and it shakes you when understand who its for and what it means.

But sometimes people say nice things and you didn’t think you deserved to hear it 😀

or they say nice things and you’re grateful someone noticed and appreciates you.

Sometimes it just happens out of nowhere, and you’re not having a bad day at all and you hear some unexpected words from an unexpected someone and it really makes you think how powerful words can be.

You’re the best thing that’s happened to me since I woke up this morning!

2018’s first resolution

It’s reaaaal close to the end of the year.

Gotta start writing my list of resolutions – I’ve actually met at least one of 2017’s resolutions woohoo! (I can’t actually remember what else I wrote but I shall look it up on New Year’s Eve)

Resolution 1: Read a new book every month.

Seems pretty achievable and I really want to spend my time after work and on the weekends more wisely, I should stop napping so much :/

I’m actually going to .. get a headstart should I say? on my first resolution because I bought a book a week ago and am very much enjoying it. And on Wednesday, 20 Dec, some lucky soul will also get to enjoy this book. *wink

I’m going to revise my resolution actually, because I dream of the day I can *cough* afford a house, which has a spare room, which I will make into a library. It shall be a room with shelves filled with books from floor to ceiling. The room will be have handmade carpets and a chandelier in the middle. There’ll be a bay window with the most plush cushions, and heavy curtains to block out the light if I ever want to.

So I need to start my book collection now as all the books I’ve read have been borrowed or are back home in Singapore.

2018, Resolution 1: Buy and read a book every month.

Ready Player One